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WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CUBAN BOYS?

For 14 dark and stormy nights at the close of the last millennium, the Cuban Boys were almost legends. Their single 'The Hamsterdance Song' was impossible to avoid, from radio adverts to football stadia, from pubs to clubs, Saturday night television to John Peel's radio show.

Almost immediately, the band vanished, leaving a few pop morsels kicking around the halls of Radio 1, and a hefty bill on a record company's marketing desk.

Where did they go?

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The downfall kicked off one day early in 2000 when the Cuban Boys label and chief sponsor, EMI Records and Tapes, stumbled across the band's masterplan hidden in a large fibreglass melon - a supposed video prop ingeniously stored under their very noses in the office of Mike McNally.

The band's dastardly scheme was, as EMI discovered, to use their monster Hamsterdance hit single as a smokecreen to allow the Cuban Boys to implement a daring raid on the EMI Building.

The objective, to steal the British music business' most prized artefact - the tinsel-plated head of Saint Cliff Richard from the EMI lobby.

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After a thrilling chase around the marbled halls of EMI, the Cuban Boys found themselves hiding in Tony Wadsworth's secret golden elevator. So secret infact, that when the elevator plummeted into the depths of the building, the band found themselves trapped without any hope of escape between two floors - commerce and art.

And that's where they remained for the next couple of years. Hermetically sealed in mirror-box madness, existing on a diet of easy listening, schnapps and cheese.

Late in 2004 the Cuban Boys' emaciated bodies were found by two immigrant workers and were immediately escorted from the building. Though, to be honest, by then nobody could even remember who they were - even though they were wearing 'We Are The Cuban Boys' t-shirts.

 

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In an astonishing twist of fate just 24 hours later, VH1's 'Bands Reunited' contacted the band to ask them to star in their popular TV show. Initially, the band rejected the idea to reform when they were refused permission to use the man from Men Without Hats as their new lead singer.

But, almost improbably, there was some form of divine intervention (resembling a surprise unpaid tax bill) and the band suddenly changed their minds. Holy smoke, VH1 then caught on to the fact that the band weren't as popular as they had remembered. Incredibly they realised this when no speaking hamsters turned up to the creative meeting.

However, it was too late. The band had already plugged Shitty The Drummer into the sampler and left him running on "random" for three weeks. When they came back, he'd written an album. The album that the world has been waiting for, even though the world thought it was waiting for a bus.

 

 
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